It is over. Or is it?
It has been an eye-opening two weeks, one where I’ve grown and gathered so much new insight. I’ll pen more when I’m not so tired but I’ll have to say, that even in such a short time, I’ve grown attached to the place and the people.
I felt so disarmed when she took me aside to ask me what I’ve learnt over this period. She has always been this disarming and I find myself baring without reserve. A while later, I glanced at my watch, only to realise that what had felt like a while was almost 2 hours. I’ve gleaned so much I can’t even put it in words and my sharing probably came out as rambling incoherent thoughts or random revelations that sprung up.
I stayed a while later to give out a few thank you cards and felt suitably upset. The counsellor I was attached to is terrible. She says the most encouraging and sweet things that I was tearing, despite my desperate attempts not to. Her hug and her belief left me in pieces. But I managed to hold it all in till I let myself go in the bus, self-consciously brushing away my tears. The card they wrote just about did it for me. This is why I’m so afraid of attachments and am so bad at goodbyes. But I guess, I’ve learnt from them that it’s ok to be in tune with one’s emotions, because there’s always supportive colleagues who provide shoulders to cry on.
I can’t help but feel that I don’t want to go back to school.
I have no reason to not be grateful.
Someone shared about his regret involving his late father, that he regretted that he did not convey or communicate what he felt while he had the chance. I don’t want that.
I don’t want to live with the ‘I wish I had’s.
