I hear yet another tragic story, of a life, of time so carelessly lost, and wasted.
Each life is so special, each individual so talented, each soul so precious.
I wonder, what does God have store for them? Just what is His plan for their life?
As I share of my reactions, I’m convinced, by others and by my better judgement that I’m probably ill-suited for counselling. I find myself trying desperately to hold back the tears when they share of father’s disappointment or when tears well up in their own eyes. I guess I’ve always been frustrated with the tightrope that the lecturers tell me to tread on. I’m supposed somehow, to show empathy but yet keep my emotional distance. I cannot see how that is real, for one, or possible for that matter. I pride myself on being rational but I guess when I open myself up and let my guard down, I realise why that rationality is by itself a necessity. The area of policy and macro change would probably be better for my emotional sanity. I still want to be an EAF volunteer, even though I know the stories, because they involve children are going to be far more heartbreaking. But I’ll take the risk and fall off rather than toe the line, because I can’t say I’m giving of love if I simply don’t care enough.
The struggle that we experience in the pursuit of our dreams often become the fuel for someone else’s flickering fire. And I guess what we once discussed in cell, about having the speaking right due to our own experience in stepping out in faith, can spur others forward makes sense once again. But I’m glad that this is one of those small things that push me forward despite the sacrifices I’ve had to make along the way, the unending uncertainty and the need for unwavering reckless risk-it-all faith. Because within each of us, we know. We know what our heart has been created to beat for, and to go against it is a losing battle of dissatisfaction and dissonance.
Perhaps what I fear most in falling away is that I lose my capacity for love and compassion. That my heart becomes so hardened, that even pain and suffering fail to break through. Beware, my own tendency to guard.
And I was thinking. What is justice?
Equity or Equality?
